Wicked mind; wicked world.

Sometimes I don’t get what is it that makes me care about her as much as I do, I mean, I have cared for people in the past, but nothing like this.. I’ve never put anyone’s interests before mine…

This week’s been one of those weeks where I over-think things a lot, you know, it’s like I fill my head with so many thoughts I don’t really understand anything.

I guess this happens to everyone, I GUESS.

Haven’t you ever loved someone so so so so so much you can’t even look at anyone else around? Like you could have a thousand guys chasing you over, like, the “perfect guys” but you just don’t care, and it’s not that you don’t care about those guys feelings, it’s just that you know you would eventually hurt them..

I’ve been single for almost a year, like eight months or something like that.. but I don’t feel ready to jump into a relationship with someone else, and people don’t get it. They are all like “yeah, get over it” .. I GOT OVER IT, believe me, I mean, I got the fact that I may never be with the one I want right now, but what should I do if I keep being around that someone, not because I want what we had back (which was the most perfect time); it’s just that I want that person around, not as my partner, I just need her.

This past three months have been difficult, they have been the months with most of the prettiest memories I had with her.. I’m okay, it’s not like I am going to die just because of the memories, it’s just that for someone like me, who reminds almost every date when some “special events” in the realtionship happened, it’s hard.

I finally got it some weeks ago, all I need is time, time for myself away from everything, including her.. But, ha, I see her every day at school, so I think I can’t stay away.. that’s too much to ask for, right? I got to the point where I am like “yeah right, I love you despite everything that happened (which is true).. We will be together, get married some day, and have three children, you will get back from work every afternoon and say hello, then kiss me and spend the most perfect life together..blah, blah..” and I know the last lines are pure bullshit, but it kind of helps me, or that’s what I thought at first.. I say all that stuff, even though I know we WON’T be together anymore, we keep making out, I don’t know if it’s right, sometimes it does feel right… People around keep on judging me, but you know what? I had to learn to ignore people’s comments about me.. And so, they had to learn to keep shut because I would not listen..

Maybe I shouldn’t still love you, because you hurt me and all that stuff, but you made me happier than anyone has ever done it.. And that’s all I’m keeping from you.. I learned a lot about you, you taught me how to love, and all that it leads, like forgiving and FORGETTING and all of that.. you also made me feel A LOT more comfortable listening to rap and all of that blacks music haha.. I even sing some of those songs every now and then (no one should know this haha).. And you made me love myself, you always highlighted my qualities, you were constantly talking about how “perfect” you see me, you don’t know how thankful I am you are in my life, that is why I can’t let you go.. as an individual. I don’t find people like you everyday..

If some day, for whatever reason it is, you and I stop talking to each other, just keep in mind that you may not have been my first kiss, or the first person I liked, my first crush or anything of that, but I can genuinely assure you are the first person I have really loved. Even if I tried, I would never find the right words to describe your amazing personality, you’re just someone better than I ever thought I could find, or deserve.

Thanks also for opening up to me, I know you are not that kind of people, I know it still hard for you to open up to me, but you do it sometimes, and I really appreciate that, thank you for listening to me, for always picking up the phone when I’ve needed you.

I know I’ve already told you this, but if I don’t like calling you “my ex”, I repeat, it’s not because you didn’t mean anything to me, on the contrary, it’s because to me an “ex” is someone you have cutted out of your life, someone you erased, and I don’t want to erase someone as special as you from mine.. I rather call you my friend, ‘cause you been that to me a lot.

Thank you for turning every wrong into right, for turning every tear into a smile, for turning my “lifeless life” into a meaningful one, one with sense. You showed me the beauty that there is in imperfect things.

Don’t know what else to say, except… I love you.

Si sigo viendo posts de 500 Days Of Summer, voy a entrar en pánico por tanto recuerdo.

(Source: unoriginaldeficiente, via largocaminohaciala-ruina)